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September 20, 2019 at 12:03 PMLambert
1. Understand that it is a proposal
It is important to always remind yourself that there are two possible options involved. It is either she says ‘yes’ or ‘no”. You do not have to force it upon her.
Just like you have the right to say ‘no’ when somebody gestures an offer to you, she equally has the right to say ‘no’ to your proposal for a reason.
Her rejection shouldn’t discourage you. All you need to do is to know why she had turned you down. If she then refuses to explain to you (you may not really understand why she had done so). Always remind your self to keep your cool and move on.
2. Accept her answer politely
Do you think that accepting a ‘no’ for an answer from one you really love is a hard thing to do?
About a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine, James, had told me about his plans of surprising his crush and asking her out at a party that we all planned to go to. Of course, it was one of the bold steps to make as a guy – one that comes with the risk of shame as well.
I could not really tell James whether or not to do it. I believed that such a decision solely depends on him – not what people say.
Well, the party ended in a very dramatic way and yet, dissatisfying manner when his pretty ‘brown-skin with brown hair and brown eyes’ crush said ‘No’ to him. “Ok, thanks for telling me” were the only words that could escape through his mouth, breaking the long silence, as he gently stood up from his knees.
What am I trying to point out? don’t you think James’s reaction to her rejection maintains her respect and earn some closure for himself?. That is it.
Never think of asking your crush to reconsider by saying words like “Are you sure? “. I urge you to accept the decision she has made, politely, Just as James did at the party.
Be firm and courteous with every single word and action you make immediately after her rejection. Reply with words like “cool, I hope we can still be good friends”. If possible, try to chip in a little stuff that could possibly make her smile or chuckle.
If she tries to create a scene or embarrass you after you ask her out, simply end the conversation and leave there politely. It is a pure indication of her own vulnerability. It is as simple as that.
3. Are you taking it personally? You shouldn’t
A rejection from a woman will hurt you so badly when you take it personally. Normally, rejections are not personal. Whenever a girl you approach rejects you, I want you to always remind yourself that she is not rejecting you as a person – it is your approach or proposal she is rejecting.
In addition, there are thousands of reasons why a woman will reject you that actually has nothing to do with you, how or when you asked her out. Several bad experiences in her past, personal beliefs or her mood as at the time you walked up to her may be the reason why she has rejected you. A rejection from a woman should not be seen as a criticism of your character or status. Her rejection does not mean she finds you unappealing or dislikes you.
Take for example. she has been into a lot of shadowy in the past who might have used the same method of approach as yours. Of course, you don’t expect her to look at you in a different way. If you fail to quickly prove your genuineness early in your approach to the woman ( doesn’t have to be all women though ) she will end up thinking you are one of them. What if she had a very shaggy day, feels tatty and do not wish to pay attention to guys, will you also take that personal?
So, this belief that rejection is personal is absolutely uncalled-for.
4. Why did she reject you, anyway?
While your grieve and perhaps go through some emotional instability, have you taken time to ponder why she said no to you?. When you do this, it assists you in gaining more closure and understanding what really happened.
Although, reminiscing rejection from a woman may really hurt but at the same time, it makes you stronger, gives you courage and helps you in your next approach in getting a positive result this time.
Just like I have said in the previous step, there are plenty of reasons why she has said no that are not related to you. But if you still think she rejected you because she does not like something about you, I’ll advise you to think thoroughly whether it is just part of her spec or it is something about yourself that you need to change.
In most cases, you will be surprised to discover that she simply enjoys being single and do not want any guy to approach her, yet.
5. It is normal to feel down in the dumps
Following the rejection from a woman, do not be scared to feel a subsequent emotion that takes over your right frame of mind. It could be fear, anger, sadness, loneliness or other likely feelings. They are all-natural feelings that come after rejection and dealing with them as early as now will definitely make it easier to move on in the future.
Do not be afraid to feel any emotions that come knocking at the door of your heart.
If you can not handle this alone ( this is very natural as a guy), do not hesitate to share your feelings with a trustworthy person – a family member, or a close friend.
The well-being of your mentality and mindset will change for the better when you share your emotions with the right person. Remember, a problem shared is half solved, if not completely.
Furthermore, do not restrain yourself from crying or even screaming when you are alone. This may just be the easiest way for you to ease your burden.
6. That awkwardness after rejection, though…
It is natural to experience some kind of awkwardness after rejection, especially of the lady in question is someone you see often. Do not let your feelings overwhelm your ordinary conversation with her afterward. Hence, be kind to her even if things may seem awkward.
Trust me, if you continue in this manner without adding grievances, you will notice that those things you call beef between you and your crush relaxes and you both become cool friends over time.
But before you get to that stage, it is important to be friendly, polite, and courteous whenever you are around her. Bringing up the rejection issue whenever you both get to talk will not help at all. Also, you should not go round, telling your friends how proud she is. If you still desire to maintain that cozy friendship with her, be as kind as you can.
Smile graciously with a “how are you doing, Elizabeth ” when you are around her and say “hi” when you see her.
Remember, you are not doing all these because you want her to reconsider (she may, after some time, but it’s left to her) or see you as an ‘I am not the one being affected’ kind of guy. Treating her like a friend will eventually make you feel better whenever you are around her, not having to remember how she said no to you anytime you see her.
7. A blessing in disguise
Yeah, a rejection can be or become a blessing in disguise, especially when it paves way for your happiness with other people or another person’s company. So I will encourage you to spend time with other people after a rejection.
While single and in search for love, you may see someone who you like even more than the one who had rejected you. To jump out of the mud of rejection, grab a hand by spending enough time with friends and family, go to social events and meet new people. Keep yourself busy as often as you can because it provides time getting over the rejection. Traveling to wonderful destinations is also an ideal step to take.
However, if the above recommendation does not suit the type of person you are, it’s okay. You can ask your crush again if you think her feelings towards your initial approach have changed. You may still be able to date her in the future even if she had rejected you once.
So after a rejection, give her enough space and time, practice these seven steps I have shown you, then be ready to hug her in fulfillment after your next proposal.
- This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Lambert.
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